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I've been thinking about writing on this topic for a while. I'm over 50 and single and have a lot of friends in the same boat. And what I've found is that dating over 50 is just insane! What I thought I knew --and mastered fairly well in my younger years -- doesn't seem to translate into the dating scene of today. So what do you do when you're single and want to meet someone interesting and emotionally available? Or is that really an option for women in midlife?
From Allison over at Women Bloom, dating at 50+ is like a "roller coaster":
I've been known to think finding the right guy at this time in life, online or otherwise, was akin to pigs flying, or a snowball coolly sipping an iced latte in hell. Just listen to me rant about my recent adventures on Match.com and you'll see why I might be excused for thinking that.
But, hope springs eternal. I have a dear guy friend who recently reconnected with a college love interest. It was not to be in their younger days, but they have blasted aside all logistical complications and emotional fears in their late 40s. She has moved from her longtime home to live with him clear across the country. Because they are soul mates. I LOVE that! Maybe it COULD happen to ME!
Could it? Like Allison, I know women who found their soul mates in midlife. Over at Gen Plus, guest author Dee Frazier agrees that single women over 50 should get back in the dating game but maybe with a different mindset. According to Dee, dating can actually be fun if we view it as "just a date -- not the rest of your life."
Are you wading around in the dating pool? Are you clueless of what the new rules are and bogged down with fear? Hesitating because the dating game has changed dramatically since you were in your 20s?
Sooner or later if you truly desire a relationship you must jump in. Make a big splash. When you decide that you are ready to play the dating game, look at it as an adventure.
The grown-up dating game has never been more interesting and challenging. There are more players than ever before. Why? Because of higher divorce rates, longer life spans, and a greater tendency to never marry. This contributes to more single Americans than at any other time in our country's history.
The U.S. Census Bureau tells us that of the 97 million Americans who are 45 or older, almost 40 percent 36.2 million are available singles. There is no shame in being single.
How do we get back in the dating game though? I've tried the online experience several times since I divorced. On Match.com I heard from men who were interested. But I had to weed through the profiles myself, which actually seemed like work after a while. Two of the men I agree to meet were 10 years older than their profile age and another had an online picture of himself at least 40 pounds lighter than when I met him.
Next I tried a site where they do pre-screening -- PerfectMatch.com, the site featured in the movie "Must Love Dogs". Well I didn't get the dog or a date. After hours of completing my profile and their detailed matching assessment, PerfectMatch matched me with one prospect in the 3 months I was a member.
My last experience was with Chemistry.com -- the latest, supposedly most inclusive online dating site. Again I created my profile, put up a decent photo and filled out the personality assessment. It was funny how many of the prospects Chemistry sent were the polar opposite of who I said I was looking for. I was connected though with 2 very nice men who shared that they were getting complimentary Chemistry memberships and had been for months. I inquired about this obvious disparity -- women pay, men don't, but got no clear answer from Chemistry so I didn't renew.
I haven't given up on dating over 50 but here are 7 survival tips I've learned along the way:
1. Get informed.
This isn't the dating scene our younger selves were used to. By far the best midlife dating primer I've run across is an "everything you wanted to know about dating over 50" article by Alisa Miller over at Nerds Do It Better -- and yes they mean that "it"! There are books, CDs, coaches, courses and any number of other resources available elsewhere. But save yourself some money and use Alisa's article to get the lay of the